So, I told some friends about #12 and a couple of them immediately thought he might be lying, or at best embellishing a lot.
That hadn't occurred to me at all. I mean, yes, he was a few pounds heavier and a couple inches shorter than he'd said on his profile. (I've never understood why people put up pictures that don't look like them. I mean...we're going to meet. I'm going to see what you really look like. Do you want the first thing I feel when I see you to be disappointment?) Those two things do suggest someone who might not be entirely truthful. And he told me some kind of crazy stories. But it just wouldn't occur to me to lie on a first date. Like... I want you to like me, not some made-up version of me. If this has any hope of working out, I'm going to find out if you've lied. Then again, perhaps dude isn't playing the long game... This led to a conversation about our dating philosophies. I've been thinking about that lately. Mine's evolved quite a bit over this year. At first, I figured I'd go out with anyone. Wide net, low bar. In some ways that's still true. If you've got the stones to ask me out, I'll probably say yes. But I'm not going to respond to every message, and I'm not going to approach every profile as if it might be true love. I've grown discerning in the past few months. Wider net, but higher bar. More specific bar. If your only hobbies include killing animals and sleeping on the ground, we're probably not soul mates. My criteria is actually more complex than "not a racist asshole." For right now, I am still running the same operating system. I've got one more date to get on the books before the end of the year, and I want to complete this challenge before making drastic changes to my MO. But I think big changes might be on the horizon. The year is coming to an end, and so is this little experiment in dating. I went on my second-to-last first date last night.
I had fun. He was kind of disarming; he made me feel like I could really be myself. He asked questions and seemed interested in my answers, and shared a lot about his life. Which, by the way, was kind of intense. Right now he's working on his PhD, but he said he'd had a bumpy road on the way there. For example: At one point he shared that his uncle was in a biker gang. Sort of joking, I asked if he was in the biker gang as well. He said no, he'd been in a different gang. That's a very different conversation than I've had with dates 1-11. Fascinating guy. I'd definitely hang out again. Not super attracted to him, though. Not in a romantic sense. Perhaps he was too comfortable? He got a little crude in the end. He needed a restroom, and made a crack about tying his penis in a knot. I mean, we don't know each other that well, dude. Anyway, one more! Last night I did a storytelling show. I mean, I actually told a story at a show. It was amazing! I said "pussy" and "slut" in front of a room full of strangers!
If you've never listened to Risk, you absolutely should. I've been a faithful listener since its inception, and there's a chance last night's show might be released as all or part of a podcast! I don't have my last two dates lined up, but I have entered a new relationship with Twitter. Follow me: @JaneGoesOnDates.
The year is almost over. As I start to look for my last two first dates of 2014, I'm also thinking about next year. More on that soon. |
JaneHi, I'm Jane. I go on dates. Archives
December 2018
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