I started this blog in 2014, when I was twenty-nine. I've always made sense of the world through writing, so I wanted to see if I might apply that logic to the part of my life that made the least amount of sense: dating. Why was I single? What could I do about it?
I set a goal: I'd go on thirteen first dates in the course of one year. I'd either meet someone, or meet that goal and learn something about myself. It worked, and it didn't. I did not find a partner, and I stopped writing shortly after "meeting" my goal. While I've dated a few people over the last five years, no one turned into a serious relationship. I certainly can't tell you why I'm single, and I'm not convinced that I can do anything about it. But I did start to find answers to other questions -- questions I didn't even know to ask. Who am I? Who do I want to be, both for myself and for other people? How can I love myself better? What kind of partner do I want, and what kind of partner do I want to be? Shortly after I stopped writing in 2015, I came out as bisexual. First to myself, then to my close friends, then to my family. The first thirteen-date experiment was the final set of reflections that helped me see myself clearly, maybe for the first time ever. What I shared with you in that first blog was true, but it was also incomplete. Capturing my truth, week after week, helped me see what was missing. I wasn't ready to share then, but I think I am now. I still make sense of the world through writing, and (as a millennial) I still like the accountability that comes with sharing that writing publicly. So! I'm thirty-four now. I'm in a new city, starting a new year, and ready to set a new goal. In 2019, I will go on thirteen dates with women. I won't necessarily date only women (#bisexual), but I will date women. I will also make an adjustment to my original goal structure. While I won't drop the "first" from the blog title, I will not equate first dates with success. Thirteen dates, total. They could all be with the same woman, they could be with different women. The goal is, it has to be a date. Not a casual hang, a date. One of my favorite teachers, laura brewer, encouraged her students to find the fear as they reflected on last year. Well, dear readers, hitting "post" on this update is absolutely terrifying. So it's probably exactly what I ought to be doing.
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JaneHi, I'm Jane. I go on dates. Archives
December 2018
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